Friday, November 09, 2001

My novel so far...

Here we go--

There's a guy.

...and that's all I've got so far.
A Day Late and A Buck Short...

So I've heard a lot about this lately. Apparently it's a bunch of fools who try to crank out a 50,000 word novel in a month.

Ha!

I want in.

I'm thinking about starting, cept I'm already 9 days behind...let's see...I can write 6 pages of script in an hour...so let's assume, for argument's sake, that I could crank out 3 double spaced pages in an hour...that would make 30 pages in 10 hours, or 300 pages in 100 hours...now, adding in cursing time, and maybe some thinking about what I'm going to write, and I'm saying 100 hours is probably about right...spread over twenty days, I would have to write appx. 5 hours a day to make the goal. 5 hours a day...*thinks* Do-able? I don't know..but it might be fun as hell to try. I'm thinking seriously about this, folks, and the polls are up...comment and let me know if you think it's worth it. I mean, really, what else am I going to do with my time...
Better go and think of something to write about.
Properties of Propaganda

A bittersweet victory celebration at best. Two Colt 45 40's with Victor and Dave, a Papa John's large sausage and pepperoni, and a long morning trip to the bathroom to void all...it seems the glory days are waning.

I pine for the Lawrence after play celebrations. Whether it's Scotch and a long, rambling discussion with Auman, or wine and watching Scott tear the living room apart, Lawrence definetly has one up for post-play partying. Then again, Lawrence seems to have one up on Kansas City in just about every department.

Hoping to find another Ned Niederland victim today. This just in--the "Niederlander group" is actually a large production company out in LA. I shit you not, Mat told me this yesterday...I bout died laughing. My pseudonym is a killing word.

Bartkoski's on my ass to write another play, this time for her... and I quote--

"Something brilliant for me to take to the publishers and thusly rocket your career into fame, fortune, and misunderstood genius. That, or porn. Whatever."

I'm thinking about a tragic Romeo and Juliet style romance modernized with skinheads and a Grateful Dead soundtrack, and a Muslim nurse who gets banged doggie style in the background the whole time. Any other ideas would be welcome.

Thursday, November 08, 2001

Awwwww, yeah....
As of today at 2:45p.m. Will's newest old masterpiece has been finished. That's right, the new play "Literary Canonfodder" that I've been working on for Mat and Nick for, oh, eight months is in the can, at a lean and mean 60 pages. I want to go drink tonight...I wonder if I know anyone who drinks?

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

Hilary 1; Scott 0

Ladies and Gentlemen, as of Sunday, November 4th, Hilary is officially on top of the Fight Club Scoreboard, after a brave, and slightly drunken right hook to Mr. McCracken. We'll keep you informed as events warrant.

Hee hee

Monday, November 05, 2001

Blah

Not feeling so hot today...tired...don't feel like writing...so here's another Ned Niederlander Film Pitch.

Coffee...


From: ShareWonder@aol.com
To: ned_niederlander@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Potential Screenplay for Craig Weiscz
Date: Tue, 8 May 2001 14:17:33 EDT

Thank you for your submission. While we will not pursue it at this time, I
wish you good luck in getting it produced.

Sincerely,
- Craig Weisz
ShareWonder Films




From: "Ned Niederlander"
To: hmmmm@hotmail.com
Subject: Potential Screenplay for Craig Weiscz
Date: Tue, 08 May 2001 18:59:28 -0500

Mr Weiscz:

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Dr. Ned Niederlander, professor of psychology. Actually, I was a professor, until about a year and a half ago, when, due to an unfortunate miscommunication between myself and the federal government, I was briefly incarcerated at Lansing Federal Penitentary in Levenworth, Kansas. This trumped up charge was ridiculous, but it did give me a chance to reflect upon my life. While incarcerated, I met many unfortunate souls, whom, lacking a decent upbringing and nuturing home life, resorted to crime as a cry for help. I decided during my time in Lansing that I would dedicate my life to telling their stories.
Which is why I am writing to you. I have a script, a rather amusing one, actually, which I think would be perfect for your production company. It tells the story of one of the men that I was "locked up" with. I have included a detailed summary, along with the industry standard "logline" for your perusal.

Logline: A cat burgaler who's occupation in exactly that, stealing cats, winds up finding love and redemption in the form of a little girl whose cat he has stolen.

Synopsis: Clyde Barrows is a desperate man. Raised on the streets (think Martin Lawrence, or a lean Eddie Murphy) he talks a "bad" talk, and walks a "bad" walk. He is "down with it". He makes his living stealing rare breeds of cats, and selling metheamphetimines, but he is trying to "go legit". Through a series of deals gone bad, he is "dissed" and seeks revenge against a certain "homie". A car chase ensues, and after wrecking his car, he is forced "back into the game"
He finds a rare breed of cat totalling the amount of money he owes, and he steals it. The cat belongs to a little girl (cute, like that girl from the Pepsi commercials, or a younger Britany Spears), and she puts up posters. Feeling remorse, Clyde contacts the little girl and agrees to get her cat back. However, the cat has been sold to the wife of a mobster, who is a "made man". With the aid of the plucky little girl, Clyde is able to "gank" the mobster, and "get on out with the loot". Clyde realizes his ways are abhorrent, and resolves to be a better person in the future.

I personally think it has the potential to be a fantastic production, and I hope you will agree to do it. The script is a bit long, coming in at 215 pages, but I feel that we can cut it down to a more reasonable 185 if you are worried about time.

Oh, and not to be a pest, but I will be shopping it around to other potential producers and directors, so please be expedient with your response.

Sincerely,

Dr. N. Niederlander
Former Professor