Wednesday, March 27, 2002

Giving up on Two Million Dollars

..wasn't easy, but Dr. Williams has yet to write me back. I think this one is dead. But never fear, for I have more in store for you. Going back to the "Niederlander" letters, I checked my usual sleezy Hollywood producers looking for writers site, and found this--

Buyer Name: Gianni Nunnari
Company: Hollywood Gang Productions
Credits: From Dusk Till Dawn, Seven
Is there money upfront? Possibly
Contact Info: e-mail
Contact Person: Scott Coleman
Years In Business: 25
Writer Wanted:
Screenplay Wanted: Producer with proven track record looking for high-concept scripts or original voices. Please e-mail one page synopsis for consideration. All budgets and genres will be considered. Thanks

Now why would someone whose credits included From Dusk Till Dawn, and Seven, and has 25 years experience need a hotmail account? This looked like a job for Niederlander. Niederlander was happy to accept, with the following query letter.

Good evening,

Hello Mr. Nunnari. I am Ned Niederlander. I am an writer, and I would like to write your movie. I have many concepts! Some of them are little, some are big! All would make great movie!
So you want to know about me! I am Ned Niederlander, and I have been in the moive business for almost twenty-some odd years. I have written over three hundred scritps, and had thirty produced by my producers in my country. I have worked with thousands of actors, and have loved many. Some I do not like, and that is okay, because my producers make sure they go away. All have learned the lines that I have written, and delivered them for camera. Then I take the film to edit, and finally, the Minister of Production approves, and I have a movie! Several of my smash titles are: FUN WITH MARY, DISARMING LAND MINES: A TECHNICAL GUIDE, CROATS MUST DIE, and my personal favorite GUNFIRE BATTLE DEATH.
For you to truly understand my work, you must know that it comes from my country. My country is not stable, and there is much revolution and insurrection. Many people die. Sometimes my actors. Once it was my Continuity Consultant! It is no fun to film a scene and your location blows up!
So I move to America, and I am ready to make movies. I will write what you tell me. I am used to that. What Movie Are We Making??!!?? Let me know!


Ned Niederlander

Will they bite? This could be the big break. We shall see.